Things have been going well here and pretty spot on average for Little Man. I guess that’s why I haven’t wrote much. I do get moments of time that I could spare. It’s not like I’ve been going to Mommy and Me classes every day – in fact, our first one was yesterday where I met up with our neighbour and her 8 month old boy at our local library for a giant play date. I love babies and they were everywhere, haha so cute. Two women asked for my number so I felt pretty special that I have 2 potential new friends.
Little Man is starting to master sitting and is finally on-a-roll with rolling. He’ll make his way across his blanket, he just needs to practice going in the other direction.
Earlier this month I went up north to visit my best friends (thanks to them and Man for flying me out). I was having a bout of anxiety for a couple of months to do with the kid’s mom. Because of that, everything seemed to be weighing me down more than average. I needed to get away and reset and this was perfect. I really felt like I was losing myself, not happy, very serious and consistently flowing with waves adrenaline. I bought a bunch of books, and in true-to-myself fashion have read chunks of them in the amount of time I could have read them all. Oh well. I do reference them when I feel my heart rate rising and hands getting clammy. We decided it was best for me to be kept in the dark with matters of that woman, as much as I want to be Man’s partner and help him deal with anything. I just can’t handle it anymore. It’s been over 6 years and hasn’t gotten easier when she has one of her crazed series. I think that’s another reason I haven’t wrote, just talking about this and nothing bad is currently happening raises my BP just ever so slightly. One thing I read that sticks with me: people with anxiety tend to handle situations very polar – good or bad. Without leaving much room for grey, it can make one’s world seem to be very out of control instantly. My boy has been my rock. There were days I had to tell myself to smile at him because he was innocent and doesn’t deserve anything but mom’s smile. It was forced and hard to do. Man has helped me find that grey area, “Can we change it, no. Can we fix it, no. Then there’s nothing we can do but deal with things if/when the time comes”. I want to be Man’s shoulder when he needs it, but I need to worry about my own mental health now because he handles these things better than me.
Enough of that, back to my visit up north. While Little Man and I were in GP, he experienced a full week at a crazy noisy house with a 14 month old and 2.5 year old, and a very loud and loving aunty. At first he cried with every loud noise, but then he began to observe, and by the end of the week he was reaching to touch his new friends only flinching when a scream was a bit close to his face. He tried swings for the first time and swimming as well, loved both! He also became a pro at “solid” food. Bye-Bye sweet smelling poos… They now smell like zoo-poos. Grand. (He is still on the boob as well).
We also went to 2 baby group things while we were up there at a “parent-link” centre. The first one was my first ever and I’m glad my friend was there to ease me in. It was still a disaster. I’m talking about some crawling baby knocking over my coffee, because like an idiot I thought hiding it under a shelf beside where I was sitting was ENOUGH haha. So as I tried to prevent said child from putting hands into scalding spilled Timmies, I failed to notice Little Man slump down onto his face from his spot between my legs. Some dad thankfully came over to lift him up as I was frantically trying to pull this powerhouse child away from my liquid lava, all while frantically eyeing the room for his parent. Some other mom decided this was enough and took her baby to the other side of the room (thanks for the help biotch) and proceeded to STEP ON MY BABY. Yes. This was during the instant that Coffee-Baby’s mom finally came over and apologized so I was looking at her, then I saw Little Man well up as Godzilla walked by and I thought it was just because of all the activity plus a delayed reaction to his face plant. I told him “you’re okay” in a soft voice, and Stompin’ Sister revealed she may have accidentally stepped on him. My poor boy. Anyways. He’s alive… and so is she. So we survived nearly the worst case scenario that an introvert could imagine for one of these group meets.
He did so well on the flights, even though we missed the flight there and were “in transit” for about a total of 5 hours. I ended up having to nurse him on the second flight (not necessary unless you miss your direct flight…) but luckily was next to a grandma of abut 120 kids and no longer the down-to-business man in the leather jacket from the first flight. No crying, just a bit or boredom. The flight home he slept in my arms and it was just so precious.
We are finally getting the basement finished for A‘s room / guest space and bathroom when we have company. We get to see both kids dance at the end of May for their recital! I love watching A dance, and now we get to see her little broski dance as well. His crew has been doing really well!
PS. if you’re interested, feel free to add me to Instagram @Doratti (I post more frequently there and Facebook). You can email me for Facebook deets if you’d like.